Following Promptings

A few weeks ago, Kirby and I were talking about future vacation possibilities. Kirby likes to plan vacations because it gives him something to look forward to. He mentioned that he had been looking at some large rental properties at Bear Lake, and I remarked that it would be fun to have a family reunion with my family at a place like that--so an idea was born.

I went to an endowment session for one of my nieces a few weeks later and talked to my brother, Gary, and my sister, Lori, about the family vacation idea. They both thought it was a great idea, so Kirby and I started looking for an appropriate place, and a reunion was planned, and a place booked. I mention this, because during this process, I had a lot of spiritual confirmations which included the nagging impression that I should proceed with urgency despite a lukewarm reception from some people. The promptings included which place to reserve, and they helped me to not back down on the idea, despite some rather vehement objections from a particular party.

Since the vacation place has been reserved for July of 2017, many members of the family are coming on board with excited anticipation and I know this will be a great thing.

Because of the reunion planning, I had been calling and messaging family members more often than usual. We then had a sealing at the Payson Temple for my niece, Kyndra. (Lori's daughter) just a week after the reunion thing had settled down. My brother, Terry, and his wife, Lori, were there from Texas, and my father performed the sealing. It was another great family time, so you might understand my surprise when a few days later I started getting a prompting to call my mom.

It came as this thought, "You should call your mother." Well, I had just seen my mother, and I had been calling my parents multiple times during the past weeks, so I was a little surprised. I expect to see them again soon for another wedding and we don't usually talk every week.

I got the prompting for several consecutive days, before I finally wrote it on my "To Do List" and thought, okay, okay, I'll call my mother.

When I called her, I told her I'd been getting a prompting to call her. She said that everything was fine, and we commenced talking about the day to day stuff that family members talk about, but just as we were about to close up the conversation, she told me about something that had happened to Lori a few days before.

Lori had called, she said, early in the morning. She had been emotional and had had a hard time talking. Lori had told my mother that she had had a dream that morning. In her dream, she had been in the sealing room in the temple. It was Kyndra's sealing that she was viewing. In the sealing room, seated next to me was my Grandma VanBuren, (my great grandma that passed away last year). Lori said that she was wearing white, and that she glowed. Lori said that she looked good, and was younger than she was when she died. Mom concluded her narrative by saying "Grandma was sitting next to you at the wedding, did you sense anything?" I didn't have much of a response to that question, cause I didn't remember.

After the phone call, I tried to remember the sealing. It had been so beautiful. When we walked into the sealing room, the stained glass windows on the west side of the room were sparkling from the sunset. The rays of sparkling multicolored light seemed to reflect off of the mirrors and the chandeliers so that the first impression I had upon walking into the room was that it sparkled with refracted light. It was stunning. I did think, after I sat down and was waiting for things to begin, that Grandma and Grandpa would want to be there, and perhaps they were there. I guess I kind of expected that Grandma would come if she could. There was an empty chair by me, and the thought did pass through my mind that she might sit there, just as I often think that the spirit that I am doing work for might be with me during an ordinance, but I hadn't focused much on the idea since leaving the temple, and of course I didn't see anything, though the sealing was very spiritual and uplifting.

I think that Grandma wanted me to know that she was there. She let Lori know that she was there. Lori told Mom, but Grandma wanted me to also know that she had come, that is why I kept getting the prompting to "Call your mother."

Since I called, the prompting has gone, just like the urgency to plan for and reserve the location for the family reunion has gone--and I am sleeping better through the night again.

That's my angel story. Not as dramatic as some, perhaps, but evidence enough to add credence to my conviction that angels are among us.

I did watch "The Cokeville Miracle" with Bethany and Meagan last night. It was very good. I would recommend it.

Though we may not see them, our deceased family members continue to be invested in and involved in our lives. Promptings need to be followed--I have come to understand this.  Recognizing promptings when they come is a skill I am striving to develop.  I am trying to maintain a sufficient worthiness to receive promptings, to have my guardian angels remain near me always, and to always be worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

It's All About Choices

Ponder thought:

The war in heaven and on earth is not actually a good vs. evil war.  Christ has already redeemed us—all of us from sin.  He has overcome the effects of sin for all men, so we don’t really have to fight about that.

The war is about personal agency—choice.  Our Father wants us to learn to follow Him by choice, to choose to follow Him from among all other choices offered to us, and to do this despite obstacles, abuses, scorn, or even physical danger.  If we will do this, and follow Him because we love Him; He will give us all that He has, and He will erase all of the mistakes that we have made along the way as we were learning how to humble ourselves, master our own wills, and become one with Him.

In order to be like Him, we have to be willing to accept and allow the same personal agency for everyone else.   We are not allowed to limit anyone else’s agency or to block their progress or their choices--whether we agree with them or not.  If we do, we are sinning, and we are not following God.  We are supposed to love everyone the way that God loves us.  That means that we should allow each person choices and opportunities. We should love and set a good example.  We should teach and be patient, but we should never force or coerce a person to do something that is against their will.  We are not to become angry or vindictive or contentious with people who disagree with us or who may make choices or conclusions that we disapprove of.  We are to be calm and loving and patient and long suffering and enduring.  We are supposed to learn to be one with Jesus Christ and receive His Spirit, which will then lead us to all truth.  When we have the spirit of truth with us we will not be deceived or fearful, or afraid, and I believe we cannot then be forced to act against the direction of the spirit by any man or spirit being.

Ponder thought:

Man is not good by design; he is good by choice.

God is not good by design; He is good by choice.

God knows all things and understands all things, both good and evil.  He chooses to be perfectly good.  Intelligence is on the side of God—not man.  Man limits intelligence by rejecting God.  God is not naïve.  He does not choose good because of a lack of options, but because He understands consequences.

An hour a day is all we ask.

“An hour a day is all we ask.”

This is the line that my husband, Kirby, repeats over and over as he encourages me to exercise every day.

Kirby started exercising about 18 months ago when he was evacuated from the embassy in Baghdad due to security concerns brought on by the increasing threat from ISIS in the area.  His trip home was delayed for some months last summer and his regular work routine interrupted by the increased security. Stuck in Bosra due to visa problems, he and some colleagues found themselves with time on their hands. They started spending several hours each day at the gym working out.  Kirby greatly increased his strength and fitness during this time, and he has continued to include exercise and fitness as an integral part of his schedule ever since.

During the same period, I was also working on improving my eating habits and counting calories.  We had both improved our health and fitness during this time—but I was struggling to achieve a pattern of regular exercise.

“An hour a day is all we ask.” Kirby would say, to encourage me to exercise daily.

With that phrase in mind, I started to work out.  Each day I would ride my elliptical and lift my hand weights and I would watch the clock on the wall.  After one hour, I would be done.  The result was that over time I got stronger and trimmer.

I began to include other things in my schedule as well--things that I could do daily to strengthen me in other ways.  During November of last year, I began posting a gospel thought to Facebook on a daily basis.  This required me to spend time each morning studying a gospel topic, so that I could find a thought to post.  This small habit has brought the spirit into my life in greater abundance and through it I have developed a love for studying the gospel.  Over the past year, I have developed a stronger desire to pray, to listen to hymns, to read gospel centered books, and to do service for others.  This has occurred because I feel the spirit as I start each day with gospel study, and being reluctant to lose the spirit that I have invited into my day, I then try to do other things that encourage it to stay with me.  I now feel the burning of the Holy Ghost in my heart most days, for a few hours a day, and I tend to recognize promptings and use them to guide my days--paying more attention to them than I once had done.

I have had music callings during the last year.  These callings have required me to practice the piano and organ more often.  One of the callings has been to play for the choir.  These songs are difficult for me to learn.  I have started to include daily practice of the piano into my routine.  I am increasing my proficiency in playing the piano, and developing a stronger love of gospel music at the same time.  I have found that hymns, and lyrics of hymns are in my mind much of the time.  This has been a great blessing to me.

I spend time talking to Kirby each day, generally an hour or more, and I often get the chance to talk to other family members or friends as well.  This is also uplifting to me.  I especially love sharing some of the things I am learning with them, and being inspired by them in return.

Now I find that my days are full of good things.  I am happy.  I enjoy time with my family, I learn, and I develop daily.  This is a good life.  I still struggle to accomplish all of my goals, and I pray for the energy to accomplish work and tasks that are mine to do.  I am trying to add regular writing time to my day, and I have been trying to add yard work, and house work to the daily routine in a way that will keep everything balanced and running well for our family and our home. 

I have not perfected my plan completely, but I have learned a lot. 

“An hour a day is all we ask, “ has served me well this year, and I expect it will continue to inspire me towards good works and positive outcomes for many years to come.

Thank you, Kirby.

Being and Doing

A few weeks ago I went on a retreat with a few friends.  One of the activities that we did while there was to find a place outside and spend some time with nature to, "See what nature would teach us."  I walked up a farm road a few hundred yards, and set up my camp chair next to an irrigation canal. Tall rugged mountains were directly in front of me; an orchard was to my left; farmland was behind me; and a few miles down the hillside I could see the freeway.  I could see cars and trucks flowing past on the interstate system by turning away from the mountain to look down into the valley. In this place I sat for some time and wrote down impressions. One of the impressions that I recorded was: "People are busy--always going somewhere.  Nature just is.  It fulfills its purpose by being not by doing."

I have thought a lot about this lesson that nature taught me since that day.  I keep finding connections to my nature lesson as I study the scriptures and ponder the correlation between being and doing. I made a list the other day of gospel concepts that involve being and others that involve doing. This is my list (it is not exhaustive):

Being:
be humble
be obedient
be pure/chaste
be honest
be faithful
be believing
be still
be prayerful

Doing/Actions:
obey
labor
seek
serve
teach
love
give
walk/run
do good
build up
sew/reap
knock
ask

So today I was thinking about this again and I decided that the being and the doing part of being righteous are inseparable, that you cannot do good unless you are good. Sometimes I think we lose the balance between the two, and we end up doing things without tapping in to the reason that we're doing them.  Then we lose the joy in doing those things, and we end up without root, all top, easy to pull out of the ground.

I have been weeding today.  We have big weeds in our side yard.  Some of the weeds are easy to pull because their roots are shallow and their tops are big and heavy, but others I cannot pull up by myself, I have to dig them up or cut them off because their roots are too deep or too wide and spreading.  I think that we can compare these weeds to my concept here.  The tops of the weeds are the doing part of life.  Everyone can see this part.  There are seeds that grow here, and can spread out and create more of the same thing.  The roots are like the being part.  They keep the tops nourished and firmly grounded.  Both parts of the plant are important, but the roots are hidden away.  Unless you are an experienced weeder, you may not recognize by sight alone which weeds have complex root systems and which are easily pulled up after a bit of rain softens the soil.

I think that in the same way the concept of being righteous grounds us and keeps us strong in doing good works.  Good works naturally spring from the good desires of our "being righteous" hearts.  If our hearts and desires are not good or if we are hiding unrighteousness, we can still do good things, but our actions spring mainly from the desire to appear good rather than from actually being good, and this goodness is shallow.

I have been reading the teachings of Paul lately for Sunday School.  He teaches about the law and the spirit, and that the law cannot save you by itself, that you have to have the spirit.  He also talks about the need to act from a place of charity in order for our works to be of value. Jesus spent a lot of time decrying hypocrites, which were people who appeared to be good, but who didn't actually act from a place of goodness--therefore their works weren't actually accounted to them as righteous acts.

Elder Scott said:"Righteous character is what you are. It is more important than what you own, what you have learned, or what you have accomplished."

I think that nature is teaching me some important lessons here about the importance of being. Taking time to become, not just to act, is something we have to think about today. We have a society full of going and doing, but we tend to lose focus on what people truly are. I think that we have a tendency to get out of balance, and when we lose balance, we struggle to find joy in our lives and purpose for all of our living.

So, in all of your doing today--don't forget to take some time to become, and just to be.

Yes, but. . .answers

Have you ever been given a “Yes, but. . .” answer.

A “Go ahead, but be warned that the way ahead is not easy.” answer?

One that is akin to God commanding Adam and Eve not to partake of the forbidden fruit, when the instruction was basically:  Don’t partake of this fruit, but it’s your choice, but be aware that if you do partake of it you will die, but it’s your choice.

I believe that this kind of prompt is given when we can gain much by making the choice to go ahead with the hard thing, but that there is also a risk that we should be aware of before we proceed, and if we proceed anyway, it is our choice, but God has warned us that the way before us will be difficult and hazardous.

I can think of two instances that I was given a warning like this:

The first was when I married Kirby.  I got a strong “yes, but. . .” answer.  I had a strong prompting that Kirby was the one I was meant to marry, but I also got a strong “There is something wrong with him.” warning at the same time. I got this “Proceed with caution.” warning several times during our courtship.  It first occurred when Kirby and I were just getting to know each other.  We went for a walk to the park one evening and Kirby was talking about himself.  I had a strong impression come to my mind which clearly stated: “Something is wrong with him.” It came as one clear thought.

The next warning came the day he asked me to marry him. I hesitated answering him on that day because I wasn’t sure about him, and then on the way home as we were talking Kirby expressed some doubts about his own worthiness that really concerned me, but after praying about my decision over several days, I felt prompted to proceed and gave him a yes answer and I felt good about it. 

That night I talked to his mom on the phone.  It was so weird.  We were announcing our engagement to our parents over the phone, and Iola asked me the question: “Couldn’t you find someone better?” She has since denied that was what she said or intended to say, but it was shocking enough to me at the time that I clearly remember it happening. This made me feel pretty defensive and protective of Kirby, however—so I guess that warning backfired big time.  I think I felt more committed to my decision to proceed after that. What was happening here that would make a mother say such a thing? I couldn’t imagine why a mom would do that,

Finally, the last warning was at the alter in the temple, I had a big hesitation moment during the ceremony when the enormity of the commitment I was making hit me really hard, and I was made really aware of the fact that I didn’t really know Kirby very well.  I thought about backing out even then, and I didn’t think that that was a normal thought to be having over the altar.  The decision that I ultimately and repeatedly made to continue my course despite these repeated strong warnings that Kirby had some unknown problems that would be challenging for him, and that would be difficult for me, speaks volumes to the strength of the bond that I felt toward him to counterbalance the warnings. This bond was established over a very short period of time and was based on the other side of the revelations I was receiving that Kirby was first, someone with whom I had had a relationship before we came to this life; second that I had chosen to walk this path with him before my life began; and third, that he was the person who made me feel whole and complete.

I have since come to understand that the choice of who I would marry was mine to make here on earth, as it was in the pre earth life, and that I was given information that made me aware, both here and there, that this choice was not going to make my life easier, and that it was completely my choice whether I was to go through with it or not.  I was given a prompting to proceed, yes, you found the right guy—which contained a strong warning attached. I did not understand fully the full weight of my decision or my warning until much later in my life.  I have since had that decision reaffirmed.  This has occurred in recent years, and the growth, strength, and knowledge that I have ultimately accumulated because of the difficulties Kirby and I have overcome together has become extremely valuable to me at this point in my life. I feel that Kirby and I have grown, both individually and as a couple through the things which we have suffered due to Kirby’s bi-polar disorder, and that the overcoming of this challenge which we have experienced has provided, and will continue to offer critical learning experiences for us both spiritually and physically.

The second time that I had a blessing which was accompanied by a warning which occurred at the same time happened when I got a priesthood blessing before Bethany was born.  I was given a blessing that reassured me that all would be well with the baby, while at the same time receiving a strong sense that something would go wrong but would ultimately be okay.  This also turned out to be true.  Bethany was a strong and healthy baby—but we almost killed her through some dumb medical decisions—which were made based on an inadequate understanding of what was happening during that delivery—luckily Bethany made it--after a life flight to Spokane and spending 9 days in the NICU, and ultimately everything turned out okay and she suffered no permanent harm. Again I learned some valuable lessons through that experience. I have always believed that Bethany also has been a stronger person because she had to fight so hard to stay here on earth in the first place. I really believe that this is true.

The point of my story—“Yes, but. . .” answers happen.

That’s my musing for today.

Obedience and Agency

As mortals we have our agency.  This is a God given right to choose our own path.  While we are on earth, we have full freedom to choose good or evil--God does not control our choices.  Opposition of good and evil exists in this life, the one in contrast to the other.  While we are mortal, we are being tested to determine whether we will choose good or evil. With each choice we are able to observe the consequences of our choice and we can also witness the actions of others around us, even as viewed throughout history, and we can see the consequences of the actions of a lot of different people. We are meant to learn from this experience and to become wise enough to learn to choose the good over the evil by our own will.

God has also given us commandments to help us understand what we should do while we are here.  He has sent prophets and has had them record His revelations to them. He has explained the laws that should govern us here. He has promised that blessings will follow obedience to His laws, while sorrow, and captivity to evil and to man's physical carnal nature will result if we indulge in sin.

We have complete freedom over our actions and reactions while we are in this life, but we do not have control over other's choices.  We do not have control over the governing principles of this life, such as physical laws, or natural consequences, nor are we at liberty to redefine good and evil. or to alter God's purpose for our being here.

When we die, we are finished with this mortal life, but our eternal life continues.  We will be assigned to positions of responsibility and allotted an increase in intelligence, power, and influence after death based on how well we have demonstrated a wise use of our agency here, or in other words if we have learned to be submissive to God's laws and have freely chosen to be governed by them, we are given unlimited resources after this life and eternal unlimited potential to continue to learn and grow and exercise agency.  If we have failed to comply with heavenly law here on earth, we are given a limited range of agency in our next life, and a limited potential to learn and grow.  Our agency will be measured out in the next life according to the ability we have demonstrated here to wisely manage our power of choice.

Prayers

I am at a place in my life where I can look back over many of my important life events and see them in the context of a greater whole.

I have been struck recently with the number prayers that I have had answered throughout my life, sometimes in rather remarkable and immediate ways, other times in ways that took rather significant amounts of time to realize.

Going back in my memory, the first that I remember an answer to prayer occurring was around the time that my family moved to Santaquin, UT--so about 1971. I would have been about 12 years old.

I remember feeling deeply lonely one night due to the move, because I didn't have any friends yet and everything seemed so different to me.  I remember praying and expressing my feelings of sadness and loneliness in my prayer. I said to Heavenly Father,  "I really need a friend right now. Would you be my friend?"  The feeling I got then was like being enveloped in light and warmth.  It was so overwhelming and powerful that it scared me a little.  I thought an angel might be about to appear and I was a bit nervous about that. I got up and went into the bathroom.  I had tears running down my face and I very much needed a tissue, but I knew from that time on that Heavenly Father was, and wanted to be my friend.

The next time I had a prayer answered was when my Dad was Bishop.  It would have been a year or two later perhaps.  I was working on personal progress for Young Womens, which was then called MIA (Mutual Improvement Association).  I had started reading the Book of Mormon, and was trying to pray for a witness of the truthfulness of the book.  I was trying to get a spiritual confirmation, but nothing was happening.  I had a personal progress interview with my Dad and we were discussing my testimony.  I guess I explained the troubles I was having, because he said this to me about gaining a testimony: "Sometimes we are standing in the rain and we're asking Heavenly Father if it's raining." That's when my witness came. The spirit testified to my spirit in that moment that I knew, that I already knew the gospel was true and that the Book of Mormon was true--I didn't really need to seek another witness--but I could, in confidence, rely on that which I already believed to be true--because it was.




I am reading a book called "journey to the Veil" by John Pontius. I really am learning a lot from him. I liked the concept I read this morning: "This principle of asking with complete faith for those things that we have already been promised is of such transcendent and magnificent power in parting the veil that Moroni actually says it twice. (Ether 12:19-21) We take the teachings we receive and live them in our lives. . . Then we return in mighty prayer and having been obedient and faithful in all things, we courageously petition the Lord with perfect faith because He, the God of salvation promised us that we could. . . we petition the Lord in mighty, mighty, prayer--and we receive the promises." I recognize this pattern in my life. There have been times that I have asked for a specific blessing based on my faithfulness, and I have always received (generally rather quickly) the blessings I petitioned for. A few times I had to wait for them, but often I had already passed through the trial and was ready to receive the blessing--I just had to ask. Some examples: When I asked for an answer to whether or not I should go on a mission--I used a patriarchal blessing promise to get that answer, and it was immediate. When I wanted to meet my future husband, I used my mission efforts, and my Patriarchal Blessing promise to pull that blessing down, and it happened almost immediately. When I desired to move from Vegas for the protection of my faith and the faith of my children, I prayed for that blessing, and it happened very quickly afterwards. When I prayed that Kirby would return to activity in the church and to re-enter the temple, I was told to be patient--and it took 10 years--but it was fulfilled exactly as I was told it would occur--exactly. When I was worried about Bethany being in the eye of the hurricane on her mission, I was told to pray for angels, and I am convinced that angels were there. If you look in your own life, you will start to see how your prayers are answered. If you have been promised blessings, you have the right to call them down from heaven if you have shown faithfulness in following the commandments and feel that you are ready to receive those blessings. This is a true principle.