Yes, but. . .answers

Have you ever been given a “Yes, but. . .” answer.

A “Go ahead, but be warned that the way ahead is not easy.” answer?

One that is akin to God commanding Adam and Eve not to partake of the forbidden fruit, when the instruction was basically:  Don’t partake of this fruit, but it’s your choice, but be aware that if you do partake of it you will die, but it’s your choice.

I believe that this kind of prompt is given when we can gain much by making the choice to go ahead with the hard thing, but that there is also a risk that we should be aware of before we proceed, and if we proceed anyway, it is our choice, but God has warned us that the way before us will be difficult and hazardous.

I can think of two instances that I was given a warning like this:

The first was when I married Kirby.  I got a strong “yes, but. . .” answer.  I had a strong prompting that Kirby was the one I was meant to marry, but I also got a strong “There is something wrong with him.” warning at the same time. I got this “Proceed with caution.” warning several times during our courtship.  It first occurred when Kirby and I were just getting to know each other.  We went for a walk to the park one evening and Kirby was talking about himself.  I had a strong impression come to my mind which clearly stated: “Something is wrong with him.” It came as one clear thought.

The next warning came the day he asked me to marry him. I hesitated answering him on that day because I wasn’t sure about him, and then on the way home as we were talking Kirby expressed some doubts about his own worthiness that really concerned me, but after praying about my decision over several days, I felt prompted to proceed and gave him a yes answer and I felt good about it. 

That night I talked to his mom on the phone.  It was so weird.  We were announcing our engagement to our parents over the phone, and Iola asked me the question: “Couldn’t you find someone better?” She has since denied that was what she said or intended to say, but it was shocking enough to me at the time that I clearly remember it happening. This made me feel pretty defensive and protective of Kirby, however—so I guess that warning backfired big time.  I think I felt more committed to my decision to proceed after that. What was happening here that would make a mother say such a thing? I couldn’t imagine why a mom would do that,

Finally, the last warning was at the alter in the temple, I had a big hesitation moment during the ceremony when the enormity of the commitment I was making hit me really hard, and I was made really aware of the fact that I didn’t really know Kirby very well.  I thought about backing out even then, and I didn’t think that that was a normal thought to be having over the altar.  The decision that I ultimately and repeatedly made to continue my course despite these repeated strong warnings that Kirby had some unknown problems that would be challenging for him, and that would be difficult for me, speaks volumes to the strength of the bond that I felt toward him to counterbalance the warnings. This bond was established over a very short period of time and was based on the other side of the revelations I was receiving that Kirby was first, someone with whom I had had a relationship before we came to this life; second that I had chosen to walk this path with him before my life began; and third, that he was the person who made me feel whole and complete.

I have since come to understand that the choice of who I would marry was mine to make here on earth, as it was in the pre earth life, and that I was given information that made me aware, both here and there, that this choice was not going to make my life easier, and that it was completely my choice whether I was to go through with it or not.  I was given a prompting to proceed, yes, you found the right guy—which contained a strong warning attached. I did not understand fully the full weight of my decision or my warning until much later in my life.  I have since had that decision reaffirmed.  This has occurred in recent years, and the growth, strength, and knowledge that I have ultimately accumulated because of the difficulties Kirby and I have overcome together has become extremely valuable to me at this point in my life. I feel that Kirby and I have grown, both individually and as a couple through the things which we have suffered due to Kirby’s bi-polar disorder, and that the overcoming of this challenge which we have experienced has provided, and will continue to offer critical learning experiences for us both spiritually and physically.

The second time that I had a blessing which was accompanied by a warning which occurred at the same time happened when I got a priesthood blessing before Bethany was born.  I was given a blessing that reassured me that all would be well with the baby, while at the same time receiving a strong sense that something would go wrong but would ultimately be okay.  This also turned out to be true.  Bethany was a strong and healthy baby—but we almost killed her through some dumb medical decisions—which were made based on an inadequate understanding of what was happening during that delivery—luckily Bethany made it--after a life flight to Spokane and spending 9 days in the NICU, and ultimately everything turned out okay and she suffered no permanent harm. Again I learned some valuable lessons through that experience. I have always believed that Bethany also has been a stronger person because she had to fight so hard to stay here on earth in the first place. I really believe that this is true.

The point of my story—“Yes, but. . .” answers happen.

That’s my musing for today.