There's leadership, and there's manipulation.
A leader lifts people by inspiring them to work hard for good things, to overcome hardship and difficult times, and to believe in and reach their potential.  They lead by example.

Manipulation seeks popularity by promising a benevolent bestowal of good things based on puffed up images of what you should have the right to have, without embracing reality or the necessity of building successes on achievement and hard work.  They lead by coersion.

The concept of I

Ideas percolating out of my brain since reading Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand

To say "I love you" one must first be able to say the "I."--Ayn Rand:

Love your neighbor as yourself.

If you do not love yourself, you cannot love your neighbor; therefore abuse is any act that compromises another's ability to love themselves.  If you compromise a person's ability to love themselves, you limit their ability to love you, or to a degree, anyone else. In relationships criticism or disloyalty weakens the foundations of love, because it undermines self esteem.  If we want our spouse, children, or others we lead or teach to achieve success, find happiness, or if we want them to love others and be kind and compassionate; we must teach them the value of their own selves.  We must teach self love.

People are drawn to things that they do well because these things validate themselves. If you want someone to be drawn to you, validate them.

Those Winter Sundays

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking,
When the rooms were warm, he'd call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house.

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.

What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices?

Robert Hayden

This was a poem that Bethany had in an English packet.  I just really liked it.  I was struck with the fact that people show love differently, some by words, some by actions.  Sometimes it is hard to recognize love when it is offered.

Lean Into It

by Little Big Town


These days are filled with trouble
And the nights feel like they're all getting longer
These days are dark and grey
Like that storm rolling in across the water.

There's a strong wind blowing
I push on it pushes back
It's a hard time
But I know I'll get through it
Just gotta lean into it

This ain' where I thought I'd be
If I could I'd stop it now and I'd rewind it
But this ain' where I'm gonna fall
If there's a way to fight
I know I'm gonna find it

There's a strong wind blowing
I push on it pushes back
It's a hard time
But I know I'll get through it
Just gotta lean into it
Just gotta lean into it.

Of Joy and Pain

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!
21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

Take the life of the happiest. It is a tangled yarn. It is made up of joys and sorrows, and the joys are all the sweeter because of the sorrows.-- Reed Smoot

 . . .if we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.-- Deiter F. Uchtdorf

I testify to you of the lasting happiness and ultimate joy of those who exercise faith in God and keep his commandments. I urge each of you to seek the joy that comes from keeping the commandments of God and exerting a righteous influence for the benefit of those we love.-- Dallin H. Oaks

Michelle's Faith Sustains Me

Sherri, Caryn, Michael, Michelle, and Kirby, living in "Butch's House." 

As a young mother I was, on occasion, stunned by the faith of my daughter, Michelle. Viewing the world from an adult perspective, it is sometimes remarkable to realize how pure a young child’s faith really is.

I will relate three incidents that remain indelibly fixed in my mind and which display Michelle’s faith. The first occurred when we were living in Payson, UT. It must have been 1989, so Michelle would have been almost 4 years old. We were living in “Butch’s house.” The kids had helium balloons and I remember we were standing on the carport when Michelle’s balloon slipped away from her and started floating upwards into the blue summer sky. Tears filled her beautiful blue eyes and her lip trembled. We stood there watching her bright balloon rise up into the air when she asked me, “Mom, where is my balloon going?” I replied, trying to soothe her, “It’s going up to Jesus.” Her face suddenly beamed with happiness, “Is He going to bring it back to me?” I was suddenly taken aback by the faith of this child, who at that moment was sure that Jesus would soon be dropping by to return her balloon to her. I could almost imagine it happening myself. I felt that He wouldn’t consider the task beneath him at all, and it made me smile.

Caryn, Bethany, Michael, Meagan, Kyle, Rebecca, and Michelle

The next incidence occurred during a Family Home Evening lesson. We were living in Orem then. It would have been about 1996, so Michelle was probably 11 years old. I was teaching a lesson. I believe we had watched a short clip depicting Jesus walking on the water and we were discussing how the disciples were frightened as they saw him approach, walking on the water. I asked, “Wouldn’t you be scared if you saw Jesus walking toward you on the water?” Michelle’s answer, “Of course not! Why would you be afraid of Jesus?” Again, my rational viewpoint dissolved, as I viewed the scene from the eyes of a child,

Kyle, Caryn, Bethany, Michael, Sherri, and Michelle

Lastly, there was a night, years ago, when we were living in Las Vegas. I’m not sure of the year. It was early 2000s. Michelle would have been 15 or so. I don’t remember the exact cause of the incident, but it was during some bad years while we were dealing with some serious bi-polar symptoms, and some financial hardships. Something had happened. There had been a blow up. Kirby had left the house in a rage, determined not to return. There had been some sort of a scene, and Kirby had grabbed some of his things and left in the car. I was in my bedroom, in a sort of desperate despair. I was very frightened, disheartened, and sad. I knew Kirby was currently at risk for suicide, and that I had no way of knowing where he had gone or when, or if, he would return to us safely. The kids had gone to bed, but I could not sleep. I could just sit and pray, and hope for his safe return. Quietly Michelle came into the room. She sat by me on the bed and put her hand on my shoulder. “Mom,” she said, “I’ve been praying, and I just wanted you to know, Dad’s going to be alright.” At that moment, I was so grateful for the faith of a child, and the answer she had received to her prayer. She left the room, and with peace restored, I slept. A few hours later, Kirby returned to the house. He was not physically harmed. We were able to somehow survive the storm of those years, and come through, more or less intact. We have since been able to work through those issues and come through the storms to a brighter day.

"The refiner’s fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God."--Quenton L. Cook, 2011, The Songs They Could Not Sing.

Our family today:

Front Row, Michael, Shantel, Meagan, Sherri, Becci

Back Row, Bethany, Michelle, Kyle, Kirby, Sammy, Caryn

Of Heroes and Princesses

It seems that in every culture, including our own, we raise our young on tales of heroes and princesses: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, Superman, and the like, are stories that are ingrained into our cultural lore.  The themes of heroes and princesses drive the entertainment industry today, arguably, one of the most powerful influences of our time.  Indeed, the stories we tell of ourselves, and the heroes and heroines that we aspire to emulate, become part of our perceptual identity and become ingrained into the roles we attempt to play in our lives.

Have you ever wondered where these themes came from and why they resonate so powerfully with each of us?  What little girl doesn't want to be a princess in disguise?  What young boy doesn't yearn to secretly be an all powerful hero and to defeat an evil villain?  Have you ever wondered why we have these recurring themes among mankind's storytelling, and do you wonder if these tales build us up with seemingly unattainable aspirations?

Holding these stories up to my own life experiences, I believe that we possess innately, a belief of greatness within us.  What young child does not esteem themselves to be of great worth?  We come into this world and are treated as such as infants and young children.  Mothers and fathers, grandparents and siblings, put us at the center of their worlds.  We learn to expect to inspire love and devotion, and to expect to win respect and admiration from our world, because we are literally, at the center of it.  Our cultural tales reinforce and reflect these views.  We build our lives, and our relationships, around the attainment of these positions.   To my husband, I must be the long sought for princess; to me, my husband must fill the role of hero, and protect and  defend me and my children from harm or evil.

Are these views realistic? For, I believe, they are real.  Emotionally, I believe, that these roles demand to be filled, and that they spin off many interesting results as we see examples of both successes and failures in peoples' attempts to achieve such idealism.

Theologically, the parallels between gospel concepts and cultural tales are striking. If we believe, as taught by scripture, that God, our Father, is the all powerful king and creator of all that is; then it is not so far fetched to believe that we are each princesses and heroes.  We would, in fact, expect to gain our happily ever after ending through demonstration of goodness and worthiness, and in doing so, will in fact expect to defeat overwhelming forces of evil by weilding previously unseen and unknown powers.  Is this not the story embedded in the theology that we espouse?

Here's to amazing endings. . .