Deciding to be a Writer

So something unexpected happened a few weeks back, which changed the course of my life dramatically.

It all started with visiting teaching, as strange as that may sound.  January, being the month for setting goals and making new starts, it got me making appointments to visit my visiting teaching sisters early in the month.  My companion assignment, which I had received in December, hadn’t worked out, because my partner had gone on an extended vacation with her retired husband.  So I decided to take Meagan and go out.  After calling each person on my new list, I ended up setting a visit for only one sister, Sister Taylor.  Sister Taylor is an amazing person who I have long wanted to become better friends with.  We ended up talking for an hour and a half about her new vision of life and some workshops that she was presenting.  We actually signed Meagan up for one of her workshops, and she talked to Meagan about illustrating for her, as she wanted to write a children’s book.  Sister Taylor also recommended a book to me, “Visions of Glory.”  She said that this book had changed her life.  I decided to read it.

Meagan was excited to have a potential project to work on.  She enjoyed the workshop, which occurred the following Saturday, and she even went to a movie that evening with a group of ladies from the class.  She had a great time.  The next day at church, Sister Taylor wondered if Meagan could come over to her house for a bit to talk about her book.  So Meagan went home with her after choir practice.  When she came home, Meagan said that all Sister Taylor had for her to work on so far was  pretty backgrounds and children.  She started to practice making backgrounds and drawing children for the next few days, but she couldn’t really go beyond that, because the story wasn’t written yet.

The thought went through my mind: “I could write a book for Meagan to illustrate.  Why don’t I just do it?”  Small thought, but from it a seed started to grow in my mind.  I did read the book, “Visions of Glory.” It changed my perspective on time and my potential.  I began to ask myself, what if I’m not really preparing for a future that looks like today?  What if I’m preparing for a time when the thing of most value to me will be the ability I have to access my faith?  What if the time to prepare is quite limited--perhaps a decade or two--before this major change happens?  How would I then prepare my family and myself to survive, thrive, and to be together, in the event that everything we have come to expect as a future collapses,  and we are given the opportunity to participate in the creation of a Zion society? What if we literally are preparing for Jesus to reign as Lord on the Earth? What if I have a part to play in that process?  One, I want Kirby to be here before anything drastic happens.  How do I get Kirby home?  Two, I really want to be worthy to be a valuable asset in the work the Lord is doing to prepare people for Him to reign.

These thoughts and questions were playing in my mind for days, and as I pondered I started to key in on some comments and scriptures.  “ I will give up all my sins to know Him.”   King Lamoni.  “Why not us?”  Russ Wilson, Seattle Seahawks, and “Seek wise and good council, Sherri, in all things and your soul shall grow,  and shall illuminate to the people of the world who are in darkness, and they shall glory in it, and shall come unto you for many blessings and privileges, which you shall be blessed to give them if you keep the commandments and do the will of the Lord as has been given to you.” My patriarchal blessing.

What if the comment in my blessing refers to something more than my mission to Japan?  What if this promise has more to it than that?  What if it has something to do with preparing the way for more people to receive the gospel today?  How could I best be a light?  Could I attain my potential to be a light by persisting on the path I am currently on, or do I need to make a course correction?

I decided that though I am in a position to influence lives as a teacher, I am limited in my ability to advance gospel principles in the public school system.  I feel like I have been teaching to provide a transition income for Kirby to eventually come home, but I am coming to believe that my earnings as a teacher are not adequate to facilitate this actually happening.  Since there is little room for upward mobility in teaching, I felt like I am just spinning my wheels.  I'm making a contribution, but it isn't adequate to actually reach my goals.  Writing, on the other hand, has no guarantees, but it also has no set limits.  It would take away stability, but it would give me freedom.  When I mentioned my ideas to Kirby, he commented that I'd been talking about doing this for a long time.  He reminded me that he has been telling me I should do it for a long time.  He asked me why I didn't just commit to doing it.  He thought I should try writing during the summer and then take one more year teaching and then make the change, but I felt like I needed to make a clear decision and do it or leave it alone, that another calendar year wouldn't help me.  Nor did I want the pressure over the summer of trying to develop a new career while preparing for another school year and while trying to accomplish all of the other household projects and plans that needed to take place before school started again.

A few years ago, I had pondered this question and decided that no, it wasn’t feasible for me to stop working at that time.  I figured that that decision would stand for many years, but this time, I felt differently.  I felt that circumstances had changed, that I had changed, and that there was a different kind of urgency and timeliness in this choice today that there hadn't been in the past. I also felt like Meagan and Michelle would be benefitted by my leading out in pursuing this career path, and that I could help give direction and companionship to Meagan at this time in her life.  As I sat down and talked to Meagan about it, I asked her to tell me about some of the ideas she has been working on.  I found that she had an entire book already plotted out in her mind.  I had her start to write it out in an outline form.  I was amazed at how much she had already conceptualized.  I felt like I needed to help her complete this work, and that this would be a good project for us to start on.  I felt that this would give her the direction in her life that she has been looking for.

I decided to pursue this issue as a matter of prayer.  I made a decision to decide, and I started with a yes answer.  Yes, I should do this, and I asked for a confirmation from the spirit.  I started praying with this decision in mind, and I got a affirming, positive response from the spirit.  I went to the temple.  I talked to my family.  Everything was positive and affirming.  I felt that I had my answer.  I asked my mom if she would ask Dad to give me a blessing the next Sunday.  I felt that that would be “seeking wise and good council,” as my blessing directs me to do.

Meagan and Becci and I drove to Santaquin after church.  My parents and I talked for a long time about my motivators and my decision.  I told them about Meagan’s already outlined story and the progress she has made with her illustrating .  I told them about my ponderings, and my motives.  I answered their questions about my current career and my goals.

At the conclusion of our discussion, my father wanted to know what I desired to receive in the blessing.  I said that I sort of already knew what my answer was, but I wanted to know that I had the talent and the ability required to proceed in this direction, and that I wanted assurance that it would be appropriate to take this step at this time.  What I got was an amazing blessing.  I was told that this was my choice through my agency.  I was told that I was given a talent in the pre-mortal world, that it was mine; that through my seeking that I had recognized this talent; that I should never doubt that I have it, and that if I was to ever feel discouraged, that I should know that that spirit of discouragement was not of God, and that I should rebuke it through the priesthood.  I was told that this path would have an influence on a certain circle of people, but that the biggest influence would be on those who are closest to me.  I was informed that Father in Heaven isn’t concerned with money or notoriety.  I was told that I may become known in some circles and that I would be paid a fair wage for my labor.  Mainly, I remember the assurance that was given to me that I was intended, since before my birth, to be a light in this world, and that if such was my desire, that I should be one, especially to those who are closest to me.  So I came home Sunday night, and I went in to my principal Monday morning, and I resigned my teaching position for next year. 

I told my mom during our discussion, "I know that this sounds kind of illogical," but she responded that it didn’t’ sound illogical at all, and that she was excited for me to do something that I had always wanted to do, and to be home with my family more.  Everyone seems to be excited for me.  I still feel a strong spirit of affirmation in my heart whenever I ponder this path, though I am currently unsure of what I will be writing or how this will progress, I feel like, when it is time for me to proceed further, I will be given further promptings.

I guess I’m developing my faith.  I woke up at 4 a.m. and started writing this down.  I need to go to school now.

So I am off,

Sherri