My dad used to always say: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all." It's a quote from the Disney movie "Bambi." Thumper, the rabbit, repeats it as one of the things his father always tells him.
I think I internalized this pretty well growing up. Staying in control was expected at my house, and it was a way modeled by my parents. I don't remember them blowing off much steam. They generally approached things calmly and spoke in measured tones, even when emotional. When I have something that wants to come out that isn't nice and won't really help improve a given situation. I will usually bite my tongue and withdraw whether than attack and let the critical thoughts fly.
It's kind of funny, cause Becci often tells me to stop yelling at her when I speak sternly to her. I don't even raise my voice, and I'll tell her, I'm not yelling. She doesn't like me speaking sternly to her. I guess to her that is yelling for me. I guess it's a good thing when people notice small changes, and you don't have to make a big scene to make a point, but it does make for pretty sensitive kids that are difficult to talk to without their feeling defensive.
Perhaps people have come to know that when I'm not so happy, it is a more pleasant thing for us all, for me to retreat. Maybe they don't know that's what's going on in my head at all sometimes. That's okay too.
It sometimes takes a little while for the annoyance to burn off and the mean thoughts to dissipate out of my head. But they generally do after a bit. Then, of course I am glad I kept my cool. People think better of me this way I'm sure, and things stay more peaceful like. Probably everybody feels that way sometimes.
I guess it's not a bad notion after all.
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