My Wolves

It's been tough the last few weeks.
I've been feeling the gap.
We were talking about self control today in YWs and Shauna commented that there is an old Indian legend about two wolves.  A boy was describing the inner conflict between good and evil influences inside himself as having two wolves fighting for control of his actions.  He asked the wise chief how to insure that the good wolf would win out, and the chief said the wolf that will win is the one that you feed.
Perhaps I have been feeding the wrong wolf lately.

What am I talking about?
I miss Kirby.
I miss the time we could be spending together.
I miss the influences that he would have on our family if he were here to make them.
I miss the influences that he would have on me, and the strength I would gain from being with him.
I miss his physical presence, his touch, his physical strength and ability.

I see other couples being together, and I wonder why my life is different than theirs.  Why I have this challenge that others do not have.

It is silly to feed this wolf.  This wolf will devour me if I let it, so I know to shut it down, and silence it most of the time.  But there are days when I feel it's hunger, and it's yellow eyes watching me.  Sometimes I pity it and let it come close.  We cry together, and howl at the August moon, and we wait for winter and crisp January days.  It is not so far away.

I learned years ago that distance is not measured in miles.  It is measured in time.