Steve Perry's, Oh, Sherrie

Kirby says these lyrics are "apropo"
He may have a point there. . . . :D

You should've been gone knowing how I made you feel.
And I should've been gone after all your words of steel.
Oh I must've been a dreamer
and I must've been someone else,
And we should've been over.
Oh,Sherrie,
our love holds on, holds on.
Oh, Sherrie,
our love holds on, holds on.

But I want to let go you'll go on hurtin' me.
You'd be better off alone if I'm not who you thought I'd be.
But you know that there's a fever,
oh, that you'll never find nowhere else.
Can't you feel it burnin' - on and on?
Oh, Sherrie,
our love holds on, holds on. . . .
But I should've been gone
long ago, far away.
And you should've been gone-- now I know just why you stay.
Oh, Sherrie,
our love holds on, holds on. . ..
Oh, Sherrie,
our love holds on, holds on. . . .

Many small steps can take you a long distance over time. Just make sure you are pointed towards your goal.

Church History Trip

Today I am in Nauvoo, Illinois. It is Sunday afternoon 8/28/2011. I am with Natalie, Brett, LaDue, and Roanna Scovill. We have been traveling and seeing church history sites for the last 4 days. We went to Independence and Liberty Jail; Far West, Missouri and Adam Ondi Ahman as well.

Brett and Dad finding the temple cornerstones at Independence, MO

Brett, Natalie, Mom, Sherri, and Dad at the marker at Far West, MO

Liberty Jail

Hannibal, MO, birthplace of Mark Twain, American author

Country side near Adam Ondi Ahman

Mark Twain River Boat

Statue of Mark Twain with Hannibal, Mo in the background

The lighthouse at Hannibal

View at sunset from Mark Twain Riverboat

On Thursday, August 25, 2011, we started this trip. Brett and Natalie picked me up at 6:30 AM and we drove to Salt Lake International Airport. We met Mom and Dad there and shortly afterward boarded a plane to fly to Kansas City, MO. We arrived before noon, rented a car and began our sight seeing with Independence, MO. There we visited the church's visitor's center. We listened to a history of the area and saw some displays there. There were cornerstones there for a temple, which was never constructed. The saints could not become established in Independence, though they tried for a short time, because of the opposition of the Missouri population. Not far from Independence we visited Liberty Jail. This jail was reconstructed on the original site based on detailed descriptions taken by a missionary passing through the area years later, who was prompted to record the details of the place. Based on these details the jail was rebuilt on it's original foundation, and with some of the original stone taken from the remains of the building. It was a dismal oppressive place. Joseph and some others spent 4 months there during the winter while the Saints were being driven out of their homes and persecuted in the surrounding areas. It was a time of testing and trial for Joseph and for the saints. It was not a happy place, yet I was impressed with the dignity shown by the men imprisoned there, despite the horrible treatment and conditions, they remained dignified and noble. Joseph received Sections 121, 122, & 123 of the D&C during that time.

We returned to Kansas City that evening and stayed in a nice hotel. We had a late dinner and went to bed early. After breakfast the next morning, we headed for Far West and Adam Ondi Ahman. Far West was revealed to be the place for the central stake of Zion. It was beautiful rolling land with lush green farmland and trees. There was a small fenced area there with a marker. Here there were temple cornerstones representing the High Priesthood, the Lower Priesthood, the High Counsel, and the First Presidency, these stones were quite large. Joseph was told that the land where he set these stones was holy land. Dad said that it was part of the Garden of Eden, and I wondered what had transpired there to make it a place of such significance.

Our next stop was Adam ondi Ahman. This was a high point overlooking a fertile valley. It was lovely. This place was the place where Adam left the Garden of Eden and where he built an alter to offer sacrifices to the Lord. It was also the place where he gathered his family at the end of his days, and where it is prophesied that he will return to as patriarch of the family of mankind someday.

We next visited Hannibal MO, home of Mark Twain. We saw a museum there which included his family home, and the homes of some of his friends who became the basis of the characters of his stories. Brett, Natalie and I climbed a seemingly endless flight of stairs to a lighthouse overlook, which Brett then discovered had a road which would have taken us up without the stairs. I found the climb an adventure worth having however. We drove around the city for awhile, ending up at the riverside where we waited until 6:30 PM when we boarded a river boat called the Mark Twain for a dinner, some banjo music, and a ride up and down a piece of the Mississippi River. It was beautiful watching the sun set and the colors of the water change. It had a romantic peaceful atmosphere, and I wished that Kirby were there to share the moment. We then drove to our hotel where we retired for the night.

Our first destination the following day was the temple in Nauvoo, where we had an appointment for the 10:00 A.M. Session. That was a beautiful experience. It was unusual to climb stairs into the temple and move up and down on them through out the temple. The rooms are small compared to what I have seen in other temples, and you don't see modern building materials much. The lockers, for instance which are usually metal today, are wooden. The furniture, rugs, windows etc. reflected the styles and colors of the time when the temple was built. The stairs in the temple are a beautiful dark wood with beautiful rug runners. You move through rooms which are painted with scenes of landscapes and God's creations. It is so beautiful. I was so impressed with what the Saints of that time had planned and constructed. I felt so sad that they had to leave such a marvelous temple behind just as they were bringing it to completion, yet at the same time, I was so impressed with what they had been able to build. I'm sure that the 5000 souls who received their endowments and sealings before leaving this place felt it was a great blessing to them.

I was thinking before I arrived, that Nauvoo would be kind of a sad place to see, that the emphasis here would be on the sacrifices the saints made and the abandoning of their city to hostile mobs, but it wasn't. The historical site has been preserved and they have restored what homes were left standing, and rebuilt others. You can see that the saints who lived here were becoming prosperous. You can see that they had worked extremely hard and that they had been happy here. I expected that leaving Nauvoo would have been incredibly heart wrenching for these people, but when reading the comments written on the “Trail of Hope” (which consisted of quotations from journals which were posted on a fence paralleling the street that had once been lined with hundreds of wagons as the Saints fled the city and abandoned their homes). I found that although the saints were in miserable circumstances when leaving the city, and often felt pain for what they and others were physically going through, that their comments clearly reflected hearts which remained optimistic and full of faith and purpose. They were still looking forward to building a great city of Zion in the West. Joseph had prophesied of great cities founded by the saints as they prospered in the west. These cities, which he would ultimately never physically see, he had seen clearly in vision. He had shared that vision with others. The comments of the saints in their journals demonstrated a strong faith in their future and a willingness to continue forward in the cause of righteousness that they were attached to. They remained convinced of the nobility of their cause, and of the ultimate certainty of their success.

My conclusion is that these were strong determined people with amazing faith—and although they were quite human, they had noble souls.

Carthage was also interesting. I didn't find it as sad as I thought I would. Joseph seemed to possess a calm resignation and acceptance of his imminent death by the time he arrived at Carthage. The feeling that I got at Carthage was quiet and respectful. It seemed more a place to honor Joseph's life and to declare the testimony that he left to the world, than a place of sorrow.

I liked that there are plaques as you enter Carthage today that display the historical testimony of Joseph's first vision. This is the same testimony that the mobs tried to silence when they murdered him at this place. Instead of destroying it, it has instead been engraved onto metal tablets and mounted onto stone at that very place. A bronzed statue of Hyrum and Joseph stands nobly in that same courtyard into which the prophet fell, and which today is shaded by large trees and graced by abundant flowers. Loyal followers of the same church, which the mobs had hoped to doom to oblivion by killing it's prophet, stood today testifying of the divinity of Joseph's prophetic calling and bore their own living witness of the gospel of Jesus Christ as brought back to earth under the direction of both Gods and angels to Joseph the Latter-day Prophet.

The trip was restful and had a nice spirit to it. We had a lot of time to visit with each other and share our feelings and reactions to the places where we stopped. We visited the Scovil Bakery, and I learned that Dad was related to the former operator of the business. He was a nephew to Dad's great great grandfather, who had later been bound for the California gold rush when he stopped in Utah and ended up staying with the Mormon part of the family and instead of pursuing his fortune in gold, found another treasure in the teachings of the gospel, and stayed and raised his family there, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

We talked about many things, and sat quietly for other hours, reading, and in my case, writing this journal on Sunday evening.

Tomorrow morning we will arise and after breakfast we will travel to the airport and begin our journey home. I have enjoyed this trip and value the insights it has given me into my heritage, and the reality it adds to the histories that I have learned about through out my life. I also will be happy to be reunited with my family at home, and to regain contact with Kirby via Skype, which I have missed for the last two days.

This is me at the spot where the Saints crossed over the Mississippi River as they began their trek west to Salt Lake City.

This us in front of the Scovil Bakery, which was owned by a nephew of Dad's great great grandfather.

A scene from the Nauvoo site

A room from inside the Browning home, Nauvoo, IL

The forge in the Browning home

Map of historical Nauvoo

Part of the Woman's Monument at the Nauvoo Visitor's Center

Carthage Jail

Joseph and Hyrum

View of the river from the Smith family cemetery where Joseph, Hyrum, Emma, Lucy, Joseph Sr. and others are buried.

The Mansion House

Trail of Hope--markers lining the road taken by the Saints when they were forced to leave Nauvoo.

Statue commemoration the passing of Joseph's vision to Brigham Young which stands facing  the river at the point where the Saints began their exodus to the West.

Ferry and wagon

The Nauvoo Temple

Monument representing Joseph and Hyrum returning to go to Carthage.

Me in front of the Nauvoo Temple immediately following our session.

View looking from temple hill towards the Mississippi River and Nauvoo

Mom and Dad at the temple

Small commuter plane we took to get to the airport on our return trip.

Thoughts on divorce

Everyone on my team back at Al Asad also had or is going through it (divorce). The situation, and the world in general, makes that choice seem easy.
Divorce never seemed/seems like an easy choice to me.

It always seemed/seems like the ripping of one's soul in to two pieces with the numbly wounded half souled life that remains dully wondering why everything hurts so much.

You cannot fail in this thing (marriage) and feel successful in your life.  It is too fundamental to a person's essence.

We come from families.  However wonderful, or flawed they are, they are our families.  

We were meant to fight for them, fight to keep them, not throw them away

Love Poems

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare

(1564 - 1616)

Ernest R. Ball--1919
Let the Rest of the World Go By

With someone like you, a pal good and true
I'd like to leave it all behind, and go and find
A place that's known to God alone
Just a spot to call our own
We'll find perfect peace, where joys never cease
Out there beneath the kindly sky
We'll build a sweet little nest, somewhere out in the West
And let the rest of the world go by

(You ask me where I'm goin'
So early in the morn
I'm just a traveler roamin'
Just a romin on
I've searched this whole world over
Many times I've searched in vain
For a spot that seems like heaven to me
and I long to see again.
I'm going to hide away out beside that Utah trail
Out where old friends are gay and all nature is unveiled
I'm gonna settle down in peace where all is well
in a little house just built for two out along that Utah trail.)

Heard this music in the movie Out of Africa tonight It reminded me of my Grandpa VanBuren, who had a beautiful voice and loved to sing this song.

The last verse is the one my Grandpa sang, don't know where it came from, but that's my memory of it.

Doubt not, Fear not

Doubt not, but be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if you walk uprightly

If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to all men liberally, and abraideth not, and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.

Doubt not fear not

If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.

Mormon 9--And whosoever shall believe in my name, doubting nothing, unto him will I confirm all my words, even unto the ends of the earth.
35. Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth
35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

D&C 8-- 33 Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.

34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

Alma 56--47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it. 

Mark 11--24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

Matthew 14--29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

Matthew 17--If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Ether 12:4 Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

2 Nephi 31--19 And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.
20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

And eternal life is the greatest of all the gifts of God.

D&C 50--40 Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.
41 Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me;
42 And none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost.
43 And the Father and I are one. I am in the Father and the Father in me; and inasmuch as ye have received me, ye are in me and I in you.
44 Wherefore, I am in your midst, and I am the good shepherd, and the stone of Israel. He that buildeth upon this rock shall never fall.
45 And the day cometh that you shall hear my voice and see me, and know that I am.
46 Watch, therefore, that ye may be ready. Even so. Amen.

A thought:

When someone has doubts about their place or value in a relationship, their partner should reassure them of the constancy of their love and affection and assure them of their heart felt conviction of their absolute inability to live life without their partner.  They should leave no doubts in the other person's mind of their absolute commitment and intense desire to have their partner in their life forever.

They should never:

back away

engage the argument as if it may have some merit

vacillate in any way