Sister Lemke reported on her mission to upstate New York today in Sacrament Meeting. From the time she started speaking, I felt that the spirit was trying to send me a message. It was like he was telling me, "pay attention, you need to learn something!" As she started speaking I recalled myself at the same point in my life, just returning home from my mission in Japan. I remembered what it felt like to be at that place and I remembered who I was at that time. I thought that I, like Sister Lemke, had done my best to serve an honorable mission and I felt that I, like her, was worthy, prepared, and capable of proceeding from that point of my life to make important next steps.
I specifically desired after returning home, to find a husband and to get married and start a family. I had a lot of friends and I was very happy. I had a good life--but as I started to focus on completing school, what I wanted more than anything else, was to move into my next role of wife and mother. I felt certain that the Lord would soon fulfill the promise that he had made to me in my patriarchal blessing: to be a mother in Zion, and I felt that there was a young man who was looking for me, as I was looking for him, so that we could create a family together.
Sister Lemke mentioned during her talk that she was taught in the MTC that through obedience and diligence that we "bind the Lord." "I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say." She said that her teacher asked the missionaries to write a list of things that they would like to learn or accomplish while serving a mission and that he told them they could expect to receive these blessings if they were obedient and served faithfully while they were on their missions. She said that on her list, she had aimed well short of the blessings she had actually gained from serving the Lord.
I realized that without specifically labeling or recognizing it as such, that I had done something like this myself. I had basically gone to the Lord after serving my mission expecting him to grant me the desires of my heart and expecting that he would help me find a worthy man to marry. I laid out to him my offering of service and obedience and explained my readiness and worthiness, and I fully expected my prayer of faith to be answered. I started earnestly praying for this to happen in October or November; and I met Kirby in December. I "recognized" him immediately as someone I "knew," and after only a few weeks spending time together, we both agreed that we loved each other, and that we should make plans to build a forever future by getting married in the temple and having children together.
I realized during Sister Lemke's talk that I had proceeded at that time based on the principle of "binding" the Lord to help me achieve my righteous desires. I realized that the spiritual message that I was receiving today was a reminder and confirmation of that experience from my past, and that it came as an added reassurance to me that I had been acting at that time on the inspiration of the spirit. I have seen this sort of system of binding the Lord work in other matters in my life. Of course, we are not perfect, and we cannot make demands of the Lord like spoiled children, but if we are being obedient and doing the best we can to follow the Lord, we can expect that our most heart felt desires and sincere prayers will be answered by Him, sometimes in miraculous ways.
Sometimes miracles happen over time, and we don't always recognize them for what they are, but when we look back, we can often recognize that a blessing has been recieved, and the spirit can confirm that this is true. I think that this happened today for me.
I am intrigued to see Bethany following in the same steps I took at her age, as Caryn did as well. I can see that as each of them have prepared to and in Caryn's case, have served missions, they have and are expecting and mentally and emotionally preparing to make next steps and move into that next important role in their lives--marriage. I see my children following in paths that I have walked, and I realize that life is made up of a series of actions and influences. Positive actions and examples can leave trails for others to follow, even when you are not aware at the time that you are making a path.
I can see so many things that are imperfect about myself and my life, but I have learned one thing, that if you endeavor to be in the right place at the right time, that the Lord will then grant to you that which is required for you to fill the role you are trying to fill. He has and is preparing a way before us, we just have to trust Him, so he can direct us and we need to follow that direction when it comes through the spirit of revelation.
I struggle daily to find ways to prioritize my roles and desires, to extend my energy and strength, and to find wisdom to cover more--better. Everything takes time, but time is not malleable. What can I do to make time more effective?
Yesterday I was out in my garden. I have struggled over the past several years to create a flower garden that would self perpetuate. . .a perennial garden of flowers and shrubs that would give me joy, as I have always found joy in the beauty of flowers. My yard has suffered from neglect caused by business, and from the abuse of dogs, and from the need for added enrichment to a clay based stubborn soil; but yesterday, I walked out into my somewhat neglected backyard and found that my flowering bushes were loaded with blossoms. Over the past 7 years, many of my plants have succumbed to the obstacles of living in my backyard and have withered away; but there are other, seemingly hardier strains, that are still there. These plants that have endured are bigger, and stronger and more established than ever before. They give me joy, and I realize that my life is like my yard. It isn't necessarily neat and orderly nor is it always well tended. There are some holes dug in my lawn. The wind has broken some gates. The dogs have bitten off my sprinkler heads, and a bit of grass has crept into my flower beds. There are even some weeds with stubborn root systems which are proving difficult to remove from my perennial flower garden; but in spite of all the imperfections and flaws--the years of inconsistent but continued effort to overcome these challenges has resulted in a harvest of sorts. Some of those more stubborn and hardy varieties of flowers have made progress despite the obstacles, and I find their blooming to be beautiful and sweet. They give me joy, and provide beauty to my world as I see them blossom in my life.
Thus I find that time is not only my frustration. . .it is also my friend, for as it passes I have the opportunity to gather blossoms and rest in the shade of trees I have planted. This has happened, of course, between pruning back branches and pulling out weeds, but it has happened. Why? Because I made an effort to plant something in the first place, and because I stuck with it long enough to see it grow.
That's how life works--at least for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment